Love thy mom, quirks & all

It feels fitting to dedicate this week’s blog to moms, specifically to my one-of-kind mom, this one’s for you.

I have to start off by saying that my mom is the most loving, caring, kind, generous, intelligent, hard working, unselfish, loyal and technologically challenged person I know. She has been my rock since day one. She’s given me some of the greatest gifts of my life - most of which are not tangible. The gift of education without a single student loan. My love of books. My really big heart. My resilience. My unselfish way of loving. My love for family. My independence. The list goes on. I may not be able to grasp these things with my hands, but these are gifts that mean more to me than anything I could ever unwrap.

I heard a story recently that left me in really deep thought, but before I share it, I'd like you to take a moment and think back to the last time your mom made you upset, annoyed or for lack of a better word utterly crazy. If you're anything like me, you probably are not going to spark a mental fuse trying to recall this moment, it probably came to you pretty quickly. For me, it was just a couple of days ago, I was in the car with my mom and I'm playing music, and she asks me, "Mija who is this singing?" This seems like a pretty inoffensive question right. Well, she asks me this at least once, anytime I am playing music. And each time, she doesn't know who the artist is. Truth be told, most of the time I don't even know the artist is either because there's so many and some songs have three or more artists collaborating. I take a deep breath and say, I don't know mom let me check. It was somebody I didn't recognize, I could sing their song beginning to end, but I didn't know the artist. I let her know it was Farruko this time. My mom nods and utters nonchalantly, 'Oh, I don't know them." I have to physically stop myself from saying anything more because I know myself. I just smile and mutter a 'Mmmhmm." This may not seem harmful, but to me it is one of the quirkiest things my mom does and she does it all the time. It makes me crazy.

To tie us back to the story I mentioned above, I was listening to Dr. Brené Brown's Netflix special this week and she says that for most of us chasing those big, grand, life-altering moments, at the end of our life, we actually end up reflecting and missing all the small ones. Not everyone gets to celebrate Mother's Day with their mom. For many people, including my dad, you have to go through the day knowing you don't get to hug her. Or give her flowers. Or hear her laugh. All you can do is look back on all the moments with her that made you feel loved, special and even a little crazy. In Dr. Brown's talk, she says a young woman shared with her how annoyed her mom would make her each time she sent a text message because she never could get them just right. Now, without her, she says she would do anything to get flooded with text messages from her full of emojis.

I thought about this message for days. It even tested me when my mom needed tech help, and I had to summon all the patience I could to walk her through it. Why is it that I can have the patience of a turtle with most everyone else, but not with my mom? Patience

literally eludes me when she asks me about technology. Here's the answer: It's because I feel power over her emotionally. I know that no matter what, she will always love me. That idea is so dangerous. It sounds seductive, to have someone love you completely in this way, but we can (and usually do) end up hurting the people who truly love us at our best and worst. I brought the story mentioned above to my mom and she smiled in that all knowing way only moms can do. I end up laughing with her because she says to me "You see, if I wasn't here you'd be begging me to ask you all my questions. Be nice to your momma." She's absolutely right.

Thank you mom for texting me Good morning and Goodnight every day. Thank you for stopping to visit me when I least expect it. Thank you for holding me upright when I couldn't. Thank you for letting me curl up in your lap. Thank you for all our dish washing life-changing conversations (The best talks always happen in the kitchen). Thank you for our traditions like Chamomile tea before bed, Christmas tree decorating with hot chocolate, Macy's Day Parade -Mash Potato Making on Thanksgiving and so many more. Thank you for letting me make mistakes. Thank you for being my mom.

I hope one day I get to turn to my kids when they're playing music and ask for the millionth time,

"Honey, who's this singing?" and see them roll their eyes as I smile to myself.

In the words of Elton John:

“I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world.”