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  • Writer's pictureClarissa Tapia

Heal, So You Can Smile & Mean It

Open Your Heart, You'll Feel Better

When you are surrounded by grief, what does it mean when certain people pop in your mind? Is it unfinished business? Is it your own un-healed monsters coiling up inside you? I am not sure why it happens, but I have a feeling it has to do with where your heart lies. When the only person you want to reach for, is the wrong person though, what do you do?

Sitting amid heartbreak associated with death, I felt my heart getting tugged in the direction of someone I thought I let go of. I was surprised that my mind and heart both went in this direction. Especially after everything that's happened. Instead of berating myself or feeling stupid or dumb for having feelings that are completely normal, I sat with the ghost of my previous partner. I had to accept that I am still grieving. I say that with no anger or remorse for anything that's happened. It is frustrating though to know I am not quite there yet. In an effort to not have my past relationship haunt me the rest of my life, I force myself to sit with questions like the one I opened this blog post with:

Why am I thinking about you in this moment?

You turned your back on me, so what do these feelings say about me?

What exactly am I holding on to?

Those were hard questions to sit with, especially when you don't have any answers.

I used to think that when faced with death, that's when your grief is valid, because the person you are grieving can never come back. I mean can it get any worse? However, someone once told me that grief is not only in death, it is in any loss, including that of relationships romantic or otherwise. In death, there is no choice. They have to leave - And those of us left behind are forced to let go. When a relationship ends however, you or they or in some cases both of you choose to walk away. Shakira's song, Illegal, keeps playing in my head, "You said you would love me until you die, And as far as I know, you're still alive, baby..."

This person is choosing not to be in your life. Let that sink in.

With that being said, I'd like to transition into what you can do with grief to guide you toward feeling better. Recognizing grief is the first step, and it's a giant step. The self-reflection needed to get to this point is no joke and it's hard to hear let alone accept. However, the moment you do, the point where grief lies becomes the map pinpointing exactly where you need to open up and let the light in. Haven't you ever gotten something off your chest and suddenly felt 10 lbs lighter? That's because you are literally removing dead weight off your shoulders. It's crazy, but you are not imagining it. The weight of grief we try to push down becomes so unbearable you literally drag it around as if you have shackles chained to your legs. Why not take a moment to assess why you are carrying this around in the first place, sit with it until you are able to forgive or let go of things you can't change, then reach into your pocket and realize you've had the key to remove this weight the whole time.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Rumi

Here's to healing, Cheers!

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